Hello my faithful readers! Yes I know it’s been a month since my last post and I promise I won’t make you wait that long again. January is usually a slow month with everyone still complaining about how much money they spent and feeling down because they’ve already broken their New Year’s resolutions. Wanna know how I feel about New Year’s resolutions? I don’t believe in them! We should be setting goals and improving ourselves all year round! I’m all for being positive and ambitious of course, but I like to think I do that all the time. I definitely want 2016 to be a great year, and 2017 and 2018 and pretty much every year that I’m still on this planet.
So now we’re in February, the month of love, l’amour, amore, and how ever else you want to call it. It’s also a month that makes us either embrace or feel bad about our current relationship status. Call me old fashioned, but shouldn’t love be celebrated everyday? Is it fair to single out or put pressure on people for 24 whole hours. I’ve always had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. At one point a Valentine was all I wanted, but for selfish reasons- so someone can shower me with gifts and I can show off what my love bought for me. As I got older and became less materialistic, I realized that it really just a day. I’m not a cynic or bitter by all means. Heck I’m probably the biggest hopeless romantic and dreamer you’ll ever meet, which is probably why I’ve had so many disappointments in the love department. February always makes me think of my past romances, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the what the hell was I thinking. For your entertainment and reading pleasure, here are some of my thoughts and experiences on the crazy wonderful emotion called love!
First I must admit something- I fall for the wrong men! C’mon ladies (and gents), we’ve all been there. Even when the signs are there from the beginning, we just can’t seem to control who tugs at our heartstrings. I guess I just watch too many movies, TV shows and read too many books and haven’t quite realized yet that real life just doesn’t work that way. I often find myself routing for the bad guy! I was always on team Mr. Big on Sex & the City; even after all he did to Carrie. I also routed for Barney and Robin to work out on How I Met Your Mother (sadly they did not!). Christian Grey even fell in love with one woman after years meaningless S&M sessions. I’m all for people who are apparently impossible at relationships to turn around and come to the bright side. It’s our awww moment, the fact that love won and conquered all. If they can change their mind so can anyone right?
My first experience of what I thought was love occurred many moons ago when I reconnected with my high school crush; we’ll call him Blondie. He was a friend’s brother and we reunited a few years after I graduated at a club that he worked at. I went from a shy dorky highschooler to a crazy (and better dressed) 19 year old. Sounds like a typical high school movie of the late 90’s early 2000’s right? Girl crushes on guy, he doesn’t notice her until a few years later, they meet fall in love, and live happily ever after. Well that didn’t happen! Turns out Blondie had a long distance lover that he was planning on starting a life with. The saying that the first cut is the deepest definitely applies here! What I thought was the end of the world at the time would eventually be a minor scrape compared to other experiences. Lesson here: It takes a lot more than contacts and a good bra to keep a guy.
Another story of amore happened when I spent some time living in Australia. I started a romance with guy from Italy who I’ll refer to as- Mambo Italiano. I met Mambo through a Canadian friend who just so happen to be his roommate. We had the most perfect first date ever! It was on lovely evening by the Sydney Harbour overlooking the Opera House. It was simply flawless. This sounds very Eat, Pray, Love right?! Gal goes away to find herself, ends up finding a foreign lover, they fall in love and do whatever it takes to be together. Sadly for yours truly, this story ended after almost 2 years of attempting a long distance relationship. We may have been living far apart but the pain of heartache was too close for comfort. Lesson here: Avoid a long distance relationship if you can and make sure it’s not always you paying the phone bills.
Then there was Mr. 450, a guy I met a friend’s wedding. So romantic right! Meeting someone at an event that’s meant to celebrate the union of two hearts. What’s comedic about this story is that we were both supposed to be fixed up with other people but somehow, found ourselves attached at the hip the whole night. After on-again off again chatting and meet ups, took me a little too long to realize that he was stringing me along. I still continued with Mr. 450 even after I discovered he had some particular- fetishes that I almost succumb to. The things us women do for love! Thankfully I finally woke up and stayed on my side of the bridge. Lesson here: Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with just to make a guy happy. He should like you either way.
My next adventure was the Artist, who was my friend’s brother (see a pattern here!). At first I liked his shyness and sensitivity, he had some mystery to him. I thought maybe it’s about time I date someone more quiet and calm. After the Artist I realized that dating someone seemingly “normal”, is not for me He was a nice guy but almost, too nice. The passion was lacking and so was air conditioning at this house.. He ever so graciously dumped me on Facebook (a few days before I was about to) and after a failed attempt at remaining friends, reminded me even more so why this relationship went down the toilet. Lesson here: Never remain friends with an ex. Trust your gut when there’s something is just not there.
Now the piece de resistance, my latest romantic failure: AC Fanboy. I met him at the bar he c-owned in the East End of Montreal. Nothing happened until a couple of months later when he finally decided to reveal that he liked me. I was hesitant at first but it didn’t take long for him to grow on me. It was almost too easy and effortless. We had this attraction that I never felt before and I got very comfortable with him right away. After a few weeks AC Fanboy became distant and very moody. Of course I thought that I did something wrong but it turned out, he had some serious issues in his life. Normally that’s a sign to run but what did I do, I kept going! I figured he must like me to reveal something so personal to a gal that he didn’t know very well. I then found out other things about him: gambling issues, money problems, etc. I knew about his issues with dating and overall trouble with commitment I still didn’t budge. Why you ask? Because I thought he would wake up and figure out what a good catch I was and not want to lose me. I wanted to be the one to save him, and that he would change his mind and views on dating. And call me crazy, I felt that he was very close to doing so. Very SATC or Julia Roberts movie right?!
Unfortunately for me (again), this story turned out to be more like an episode of the Walking Dead than SATC. AC Fanboy, whose still chockfull of issues, decided to stay on the dark side with his demons- and a major downgrade. Am I hurt, insulted, confused- fuck yes! Why do men think it’s okay to string us along? They don’t realise that what they say means something to us. They also should learn that we can find out everything nowadays through social media! All I can hope for now is that he cures his demons, ,gets an STD, and figures out what a mistake he made. Ohh, and I hope that his soccer teams loses this season. Lesson here: Where do I start! Read the story again.
I must admit after every romantic failure, I get mad at myself. Mad that someone who thinks of herself as of being a strong, independent woman (I grew up in the Destiny’s Child era), has a weakness for love and romance. I get sucked in when a guy shows that he cares and gives me attention. Am I that pathetic? Turns out, I’m only human! And apparently, not the only one who’s gone through some serious love drama. We shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about it. No one should judge or criticize; after all, we all have some pretty unbelievable stories It’s these mistakes and mishaps that shape us and really teach us about who we are and what we want in life. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get over someone and move on, it’s about how you go about it. You can’t control how you feel about someone, all you can do is just have fun and move forward to the next adventure.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a hopeless romantic with unrealistic ideals and expectations, hence why I’m a writer. Maybe I’ll see that cute guy at the coffee shop again who went out of his way to take my cup from me, only to reveal to me that he’s getting a divorce. I can end up with one of my past acquaintances I’ve met during my crazy (a little too much so) clubbing days or someone I’ve know for a long time and been too cowardly to admit that there’s always been something there. Maybe a small part of me hopes that one of these failures will realize what a mistake he did in letting me slip away. Whatever happens, I know that when I do find the One, he’ll be worth the wait and I’ll be sending thank you cards to all the stepping stones I tripped on (I was often drunk when I did) to get to him.