Let’s face a simple fact; hanging out with a group of women is not always easy. Not to hate on my fellow girls but deep down inside we all feel the same. Many of us just don’t want to admit it. Sometimes we argue, disagree, and even throw away great friendships for the silliest of reasons. Ex: Getting into an argument with someone who’s supposed to be your best friend over obtaining a mutual friends email address. Or: being upset over not leaving a voice message when it’s clearly states on the phone that you called (isn’t that enough of a reason to call someone back).
Perhaps we should take a lesson from our male counterparts since clearly, they’re much better at being (and keeping) friends than we are. There’s a clip from Family Guy that pretty much sums it up well in 25 seconds. There are two women complementing each other with subtle insults, we then turn to two males who give each other a simple and sincere praise. The scene ends with the saying “Men, we know how to be friends”. Family Guy actually had a point there.
Then, something hit me! I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and saw that the character of Barney, created a list of rules specifically geared towards men and their friends, or “bros” as he refers to them. These rules have become a sensation known as The Bro Code. Not only did I think this was a great and humorous way to look at male friendships, I also thought, why don’t us girls have something like this. Shouldn’t there be a Broad Code to go along with the Bro Code. I decided to take it upon myself to come up with my own set of codes.
Many of these codes came to me during evenings out and conversations with my female friends as well as keen observations from the male counterparts in my life. I wanted to make it humorous and also sneak in some messages as well. Messages that should be obvious but somehow we keep forgetting (myself included). My goal was to create rules for real life situations but also for some good old-fashioned fun. I’m hoping to help eliminate toxicity and build stronger friendships amongst women. Although conflicts and cattiness will never fully go away and it’s very easy to break a code, let’s at least try to reduce it as much as we possibly can. I would love to hear your thoughts and if you have a code to add, I’ll gladly do so! Ladies and gentlemen or should I say, broads and bros, I give you the Broad Code:
1. When the song “Shots” by LMFAO comes on, it is only appropriate to order and take shots. No matter where you are.
2. A broad must ensure that her lips are properly glossed because let’s face it shiny lips are better than matte ones any day. A broad must also ensure that her fellow broads lips are always properly glossed as well.
3. A broad must always ensure that her fellow broads have no tags from her garments showing or any sort of paper substance is stuck to the bottom of one’s shoes
4. A broad must wait until at least half of the broad-al party is finished with their drinks before re-filling. Drinking is an activity that must be done with friends in order to enjoy it more. Remember it’s better to drink with others than alone.
5. If a broad falls down for whatever reason, one of or the rest of the broad-al party should fall down with her so she doesn’t feel embarrassed. Embarrassment should be shared and laughed about later amongst us broads. Makes for great stories.
6. To further the above broad code. If one broad would like to invite or create a unique dance to the song of their choice, the other broads must support, join in, or attempt to create their own versions. Once again laughter is best shared with fellow broads.
7. Should there be a “bro” and the broad is not interested in his advances, please allow 5 to 10 minutes of conversation between the broad and the bro, then us fellow broads must rescue her if necessary.
8. Should a broad wish to continue a conversation with a bro, ensure the bro has friends for the broads. Even numbers are always best to ensure no broad is left out.
9. A broad must always wear at least one article of clothing or accessory in any sort of animal print. Should a broad not have anything in animal print, it’s ok because we are broads, we accept and love our fellow broads no matter what and we will ensure that our fellow broads obtain something in animal print.
10. Fifty Shades of Grey is in fact a love story.
11.Do not be critical of a broad’s beliefs or romantic ideals.
12. We mustn’t insult or criticize another broads’ choice of friends. We have to be as accepting as possible and respect this person even if we don’t like them. Your fellow broads should do the same in return.
13. A broad shouldn’t look at another broad in the eye while eating tacos.
14. Broads do not tickle (it’s really annoying).
15. A broad should only criticize another broad’s fashion choice if she is committing a fashion crime. Ex: wearing something out of style or patterns and colors that clash. Unless you’re Gwen Stefani, no broad can wear plaids and stripes together.
16. When taking a group photo with your broad-al party, ensure that everyone’s attires do not clash. Arrange everyone’s position in the photo accordingly. Ex: Put someone wearing a solid color in between two broads wearing contrasting patterns.
17. Broads do not touch each other’s hair without each other’s permission. Many broads do not like having their hair touched.
18. A broad never crosses the line with another broad’s significant other or love interest. EVER.
19. A broad should ask permission to add their fellow broads significant or possible love interest to Facebook or other forms of social media.
20. No outside contact should be permitted between a broad and their fellow broads significant other or love interest unless he is attempting to surprise her with something good. Ex: Engagement, surprise party, big present, etc.
21. Always make sure you have enough gum for everyone in the broad-al party. You don’t want anyone to feel left out and have bad breath.
22. Try to avoid sharing a bag with a fellow broad. We have enough items as is in our bags. Please bring your own. If one broad has to haul her own belongings then so should the entire party.
23. It’s ok to admit when we are lost or unable to follow directions. We are broads; bros are the ones better at directions than we are.
24. A broad should never let a broken hearted broad drink alone.
25. Always say bless you (or similar saying of your choice) when a broad sneezes. Even if you don’t know them.
26. Broads should keep each other updated on any events, news and gossip regarding other broads and bros that we see on social media.
27. A broad shouldn’t crop out another broad in a photograph. Especially if the broad being cropped can easily see the picture. Either find another picture or ensure that the cropped out broad will not see photo.
28. If a broad starts to hum, sing or tap a rhythm, the rest of the broad-al party should continue the rhythm that was started. Music is always uplifting and fun.
29. A broad should never let a sad, upset or brokenhearted broad drink just one drink.
30. It’s ok for a broad to strike up a conversation with a random fellow broad. After all, we’re broads! We’re all friends!
31. Magic Mike is a great film.
32. A broad must allow her fellow broad to cry or express strong emotions if she feels like it. Even if we don’t agree with the reason. Broads are human after all. The favor will eventually be returned.
33. If we sense a fellow broad has something on her mind and does not wish to share it in public. Wait one to two days and contact her to ask if everything is ok.
34. Never push a fellow broad to talk about something she isn’t ready to discuss. When she is ready, she will tell you.
35. If you catch a broads man cheating on her do not hesitate, tell her immediately. Take photos if you must!
36. It’s ok to discuss outfit selections to special events weeks in advance.
37. Random compliments and expressions of admiration are perfectly acceptable amongst broads. It’s something that should be done more often.
38. A broad never leaves a broad behind, especially in a crowded area or with people she doesn’t know
39. A broad and a bitch are not the same thing.
40. A broad must never be too tired when a fellow broad is in need.
41. We must always make time for all the different broads in our lives.
42. A broad will always watch anything with Ryan Gosling in it. (Have you seen Crazy Stupid Love!)
43. Accept another broad’s quirks. It’s what makes them unique and stand out (in a good way of course) amongst other broads. Everyone has something special to offer in their broad-al party.
44. Broads should never try to one up or upstage each other. We should be complementing not competing with our broad-al party.
45. A broad mustn’t leave a fellow broad alone on any major holiday. Ex: New Year;s Eve, Christmas, Canada Day, etc.
46. We must always support a broad’s choice of men. Because really, haven’t we all been involved with someone who clearly wasn’t for us? Therefore, we shouldn’t be critical.
47. A broad should try as much as she can to hold any negative comments about a fellow broad’s love interest or significant other. Even if she asks, refrain from insults. It’s not worth damaging a friendship over.
48. The car radio should never be touched by a passenger. The one who has control of the car also has control of what is to be played.
49. A broad must never tell another broad to simply “get over it”. It’s not that easy and in time she will know when to let go. Us broads can be quite smart.
50. We must try as hard as we can to never judge or criticize another broad. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them. Once again we’re human.
51. Broads must always agree that any girlfriend of a bro before or after a fellow broad is a mistake and a complete downgrade.
52. A broad should never be a bro’s sloppy second choice. If the bro doesn’t like you first then he’s clearly not very smart.
53. Do not cancel plans made in advance with fellow broads unless it’s for a good reason.
54. If a friendship with a broad is toxic, it’s not a friendship. Toxicity is not good and should only be allowed if one works in a power plant.
55. Reply to a broad’s texts, messages or emails. Even if it’s several hours or a couple of days later, acknowledgment is important and will make your fellow broad happy.
56. Whether you’re a fan of hers or not, Marilyn Monroe is the original and ultimate broad. She was a broad before it was ever cool to be.
57. Accept a fellow broad’s taste in music, literature, movies, television programs and celebrity crushes. We all have different tastes and how boring would it be if we all liked the same things.
58. It’s ok to date a relative of a broad given the broad’s blessing. You should only date a broad’s relative if you’re serious about them. What’s better than having a broad as a friend? Having a broad as a part of your family!
59. Do not compete with other broads for the friendship of a broad. We all have different friendships and connections with different people. Each broads friendship is special in it’s own way and it will not mean that a friendship is better than another.
60. If a broad breaks a broad code (expect for code #18) allow her to acknowledge and retaliate for it. It’s normal to unintentionally break a code; we just must not turn it into a habit.
61. Just because a broad likes cats- this does not maker her a creepy cat-lady! Cats are awesome. They’re feline broads.
62. When Adele is playing, you stop and listen!
63. A broad never gives out a fellow broad’s contact phone number without her permission
64. It is okay to ask a fellow broad to glance at someone else’s social media pages on her behalf.
65. Broads must automatically hate a bro who broke one of their fellow broads heart. We hate seeing our fellow broads hurt and the bro that did her wrong is clearly an idiot and does not deserve her.
66. A broad never leaves a fellow broad alone on Valentine’s Days
67. It is perfectly acceptable for 2 broads to slow dance together. Especially to the music of Bon Jovi
68. Broads must share driving duties accordingly and fairly. If a broad is unable to return the favour of driving, she must do so in other ways. Ex: buy drinks, pay parking, etc. Gas is expensive and we musn’t abuse a fellow broads kindness and generosity.